Frustration abundant
Been a really long time since I have been feeling like this. Mostly its frustration because of work. Not sure what the remedy is but trying to live it a day at a time. As each day passes by, my hope that things will get better becomes even more bleak.
Last summer when I was reading the Linux network stack code, I was frustrated because there were no documentations available. But now when I look back at it, I am quite happy with what I had done. Because now I know a lot about the code and most of it is self learned. But now when I started hacking the kernel, I realize there are many more things that I need to know about. Every time I write a piece of code thats not even more than 10 lines and one that should take only 20 mins of testing, takes me about 2 weeks of debugging and testing. And not because the logic is wrong, but because the way that I want to integrate it with the kernel is wrong. At times I wish I had the easy button like those advertised in the staples ad.
At this time when I look beyond my PhD, I find myself working in a university. This is something that I absolutely dont want, especially after graduation. I love teaching, but I want to get back to the university after working in a research lab. I would have much more knowledge than I would immediately after graduation and much more to offer. Most people look forward for their graduation because it signifies the start of a new chapter in life. At this moment I am dreading it because the prospects dont look good for me, something that I dont want. I had made a roadmap of my life after I had graduated from my bachelors. Till about 7 months ago it seemed as though my life was going right as I had planned. And then BOOOOOOM. And everything was scattered and I was left behind to pick up the pieces. Pieces so small that its hard to find them.
Ahh but as they say, thats life. When I was a kid, my school teachers use to try to make a better person out of us. One famous line that they would often tell to us was "There is no substitute for Hard Work". What they never told us was, even though you put in everything you got into something, did all the hard work, it might just not work out. I wish my teachers would have never made me believe in that. Life is not that kind while teaching us our lessons.
Last summer when I was reading the Linux network stack code, I was frustrated because there were no documentations available. But now when I look back at it, I am quite happy with what I had done. Because now I know a lot about the code and most of it is self learned. But now when I started hacking the kernel, I realize there are many more things that I need to know about. Every time I write a piece of code thats not even more than 10 lines and one that should take only 20 mins of testing, takes me about 2 weeks of debugging and testing. And not because the logic is wrong, but because the way that I want to integrate it with the kernel is wrong. At times I wish I had the easy button like those advertised in the staples ad.
At this time when I look beyond my PhD, I find myself working in a university. This is something that I absolutely dont want, especially after graduation. I love teaching, but I want to get back to the university after working in a research lab. I would have much more knowledge than I would immediately after graduation and much more to offer. Most people look forward for their graduation because it signifies the start of a new chapter in life. At this moment I am dreading it because the prospects dont look good for me, something that I dont want. I had made a roadmap of my life after I had graduated from my bachelors. Till about 7 months ago it seemed as though my life was going right as I had planned. And then BOOOOOOM. And everything was scattered and I was left behind to pick up the pieces. Pieces so small that its hard to find them.
Ahh but as they say, thats life. When I was a kid, my school teachers use to try to make a better person out of us. One famous line that they would often tell to us was "There is no substitute for Hard Work". What they never told us was, even though you put in everything you got into something, did all the hard work, it might just not work out. I wish my teachers would have never made me believe in that. Life is not that kind while teaching us our lessons.
posted by Rahul at 11:35 PM
1 Comments:
Rahul, i read your post and its very good. Well the best part of your post is where you have shared your teacher 's saying about hardwork.
What my point of view is, we should go for "SMART WORK" rather than "HARD WORK"
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